It's been 17 days already since my dear hubby left. I have to admit that the first week is always the most difficult. After this time the girls and I fall into a sort of rhythm, though nothing is ever really the same without The Man here. For one, the house is a complete wreck. I'd rather not dwell on such a distressing topic, however. It has something to do with knowing the difference between things I can and things I cannot change. It's part of the Serenity Prayer, so I'm praying that I'll be granted some level of peace and serenity by recognizing that I have priorities and, though the house does need to stay functionally clean, there are other much more pressing things that I should attend to. Like sitting here writing and drinking a cuppa green tea with mint. Yes, it's good to know how to prioritize.
Anyway, another thing that happens when The Man is away is that I get a rather good understanding of how I'm *really* doing. I don't know about anyone else, but have found myself suffering increasingly with several disturbing ailments over the last few years. I would like to tell you when it all started, but the fact of the matter is that the more I've thought about it I've realized that I've suffered with certain issues since I was rather young. I've always had migraines. I remember so many times having horrible stomach pain after eating, so much so that I'd lay on my stomach over a pillow to try to alleviate some of the discomfort. There was one particular occasion when I was somewhere between 12 and 14 when my stomach hurt so bad that it was hard to stand up and walk around. It was one of those tummy aches that hurts all the way into your back. Ouch. I still have "stomach attacks," as we not so lovingly call them, that feel just the same.
Besides the stomach ailments, however, I started having thyroid problems after Maddy was born. Then I started having mood issues. Yes, people, I mean that most horrible D word. I know we all hate to utter it, but considering the level at which antidepressants are prescribed in at least the US, the painful truth is that nobody is taking them, everyone is doing "fine," despite the fact that the statistics would speak otherwise. So there, I said it. It's out there. Besides all that, I have had a very hard time regulating my weight (despite lots of exercise), controlling cravings, and having any kind of energy whatsoever. Ya, most days I felt like I was dragging a 1000 lb. weight with another 10 lb. weight hanging from each eyelid. Needless to say, this made coping while The Man has been off bringing home the bacon an extremely difficult thing to do. Oh ya, then there is the anxiety, that constant tormentor who never grows weary though he never, ever rests.
So anyhoo, a hidden blessing that I've received from all The Man's travels is that all the nasty stuff we like to ignore would be brought to the surface, like a big zit shining from it's proud and defiant spot on the middle of your forehead. If you're like me, when a zit comes to a head and is officially "ready" you just cannot help but have a go at it. And, like that most satisfying face-picking moment, dealing with all the messy issues when they come to a head usually results in the infected contents shooting out, somewhat projectile-like, on the mirror in front of you. Then you can see your reflection in the mirror, but you're of course looking at yourself through the dramatically ejected goo. Then you can smile in satisfaction as you wipe away the mess and begin to tend to healing the once painful and infected spot.
The point, my friends, is that healing always, always means letting your goo hang out. A lot of times the hardest part is allowing yourself to recognize, with complete honestly, that you have any goo whatsoever. I think that the most often used method of "dealing" with any issues, whether they be psychological or physiological (but, alas, are the two not mysteriously combined into one integrated whole, each effecting the other in such a way that a cause/effect relationship will perhaps never be found?), is to use the good old make-up approach. Yep, just slap on some concealer and you're all good, right? I think we all know the real answer to this question.
I find myself, then, sitting here in utter awe and appreciation of the work the Lord has done in me and in my family. I believe--I know--that he heals your inner man (or woman in this case), but I also believe--know--that he can also lead you to physical healing as well. Not only that, it is my contention and conviction that it's only by his strength that any of us have the capability of healing, inside or out, for otherwise we're only capable of covering up, hiding, or in some other way masking our symptoms.
Now, I'm not saying there is no place for modern medicine, because there totally is. The problem is that modern medicine is so painfully influenced by greed and big business and is also run by very fallible human beings who often rely on their own human wisdom, never seeking real wisdom from anywhere else. I mean, is this not just another example of how science and human understanding have become our modern culture's god...meaning, in reality, that we are making ourselves into gods as we elevate human understanding and reason to the level of the ultimate.
To use a term I've learned from living here in England, our wonderful "fixes" do help but they also do a really good job of mucking everything else up. I'm not going to talk too much here because it really is such a huge issue that I do not even begin to fully understand. I'll just say that all my research, starting from a place where the doctor didn't know why I was having RA symptoms or anemia or other particularly female problems or stomach problems, that landed me on a gluten free diet (with the help and encouragement of a most fabulous sister of mine) has now led me deeper still. As I find myself completely frustrated with how we seem to have, as a culture, messed up the very core of our health (our endocrine system), I find myself simultaneously in awe of God's beautiful design in that all the tools we really need can be found in this wonderful world around us (and these amazing medicines usually taste pretty good too...that is, of course, if you're not anesthetized to real food by a diet based on processed food. Don't worry, I think we all have been there before if we aren't there now). On top of that, what a blessing that science can be utilized then to understand these compounds, to figure out what they do and how they work, and then allow us to utilize these things in the most beneficial way for whatever our condition may be.
As I sit here with my now empty cup, looking at my sweet girls napping on the couches, I feel a real sense of peace. It's not that I have it all figured out. Not even close. It's that I'm being led, step by step, as well as powerfully equipped to see and deal with the various challenges my family and I face. Do I have the perfect diet, just as God designed it? Nah, not even close. To be honest, though I like to fancy my diet very healthy, it was only yesterday day I purged our regrigerator of all foods containing any kind of sugar (oh yes, even the pseudohealthy Evaporated Cane Juice). A diet can be full of good things, but it is quickly and easily contaminated by those little indulgences we allow ourselves. Quite a lot like life in general, wouldn't you say? How we must watch ourselves.
And yes, we (including the girls) have now officially gone 100% gluten AND sugar free. I'm still trying to figure out how to make chocolate easter eggs for the girls myself...here's what we're going to be attempting next week. I don't want the girls to feel deprived. We all need something tasty...AND chocolatey!
I'm really not sure where all that came from. All I really wanted to tell you about was how during my time in Doha with The Man I was exposed to the Middle Eastern practice of drinking green tea with mint leaves after dinner. It's so very nice. I remembered it while I was grocery shopping last night and have enjoyed several relaxing cups since. But I've found that mint is more than just a tasty digestive aid. It has an amazing wealth of health benefits, including, but not limited to, antifungal (yes, it fights Candida!!), antiviral (got cold sores?...drink some mint tea!), and antibacterial properties. Have a look here and here for some good, basic info. And, as you peruse what an amazing thing you're doing for your body, why not brew yourself a cup of fresh mint tea (come on, get the real stuff and not that dried crud from a box) and feel good about this one small and easy thing you can do for yourself, even if it's the only healthy thing you do today. Hey, maybe tomorrow you'll drink a bit of mint tea AND do a little something else too. If you keep that up, over time just think of all the great things you could be doing to improve your health and, consequently, your quality of life!!
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