Problems

Okay, though I have loads more to say about Paris and pictures to post, I've had something on my mind today that I felt like writing about and, I guess, sharing.
It hit me really hard this morning, when I woke up all cranky and PMS-ish, that all I wanted to do was moan and complain about how much it sucks. Why do I have to deal with this? The emotions and fatigue usually serve as an excuse to act pretty badly toward, if no one else, my husband and children.
At the same time, I find myself very stuck on the question of whether I will lean on God in the hard times. I usually think of hard times as religious persecution or financial difficulties...you know, something really big. I mean, how many of us have been asked, or asked ourselves, if we would reject Jesus Christ in the face of death, like if there was a gun being held to our heads or something? I think we (well, at least me) like to think about these huge, glorious proclamations of faith and how we might be able to stand for Christ in those situations. Don't we all look to someone like Paul and think, "why doesn't God use me like that?" Maybe we think that if God would use us like that and work such amazing miracles through us, then we could be stronger in our faith and bold in spreading His message. Also, I think that we have a tendency to look at people who are, perhaps, going through those big trials and are maybe not handling it in the graceful way we think they should as Christians. But, I find myself asking myself, what about the small things we are faced with on a daily basis? What makes us think that we would hold firm in the big things if we cannot even hold firm in the smallest things? What gives us the right to criticize someone else's response to trials if we cannot even cope with our small problems? For me, today, it's about being a victim to my tumultuous emotional state. I'm tired. I didn't want to get out of bed. I'm cranky. Jason's breathing is driving me nuts (sorry, baby... :) ). I get angry, then, because I feel like a slave to these feelings and resent that I've been stricken with them.
I think lots of us feel similarly, whether it's about PMS or whatever. I mean, maybe it's hating something about the way we look. Maybe it's an irritating situation in our lives that we can't seem to get rid of. Maybe it's about an urge that we feel unable to cope with or control.
What makes us think that these small things are not trials God has placed in our lives? If they in fact are, how are we coping with them? Are we using them as an opportunity to draw closer to God, to depend on him just that little bit more, or do we use it as an excuse to feel sorry for ourselves or get angry or try to control?
I wonder if we should actually feel blessed for these small (or big) irritations. If we had everything...perfect health, perfect looks, all the money in the world...would we start to feel a little too comfortable and at home here in this world? The fact that we are humbled, that our eyes have been opened through our pain and problems to realize our need for God is, in actuality, a precious gift. So, though I hate the way I feel and I pray daily for God to release me from the various issues I suffer with, I will praise him for them nonetheless and rely in his strength to cope, rather than my own.
And maybe, just maybe, those people around us who struggle and who we like to look down on are actually placed there for us to help without judgment or expectation. How often do we ignore or criticize someone's suffering or response to suffering and do nothing? I think we are blessed with gifts so that we can use them to serve others during their times of need. Maybe this blessing is money, or maybe it's encouragement, or maybe it's, well, I dunno.
Anyway, just some thoughts I'm having. If anyone has any comments, I welcome them. :)
"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him."
James 1:12