Ode to Bread...

Oh, bread. Wonderful bread. Beautiful bread. Though I know you've been adulterated lately, with the advent of mass manufactured brands of sugary, chemically yuckiness that masquerade as bread, you, in your most rustic of forms, remain the crusty deliciousness of my dreams. The glorious mopper upper of delicious sauces. The gorgeous foundation on which to build a pesto, tomato, and mozzarella salad. I will miss you...





Now I embark on a bread free life journey. I feel almost like I've lost a close friend. :...(





So what's the story here? Well......about, ehm, 6 years ago I started having stomach pain. A year later, I tested positive for gluten intolerance. I ignored it because a gluten free diet is actually pretty gross. Hold on. Okay, I just had a vomit reflex when I remember back to the short time I tried a gluten free diet. Ew. I'm better now.





Anyway, it's been a bit of a roller coaster since then. I realized a couple of months ago that a lot of the "stuff" I deal with (that makes me feel like a hypochondriac (which means I am not going to tell you about all of it)) can be caused by coeliac disease and that the blood test is actually pretty accurate. Going gluten free was too much to ask, however, and I decided that I needed to wait to have a biopsy of the small intestine first. That hasn't happened.





I realized just today that there is another factor involved that makes it actually very likely that gluten intolerance is my problem. I'm not going to tell you about that either because I don't feel like I'm at liberty to say just now.





Anyway, I'm convicted now that it's time...it's time to make the change. But how?? I'd start with dinner, I decided earlier today. Searching my cabinets yielded very little that I could actually eat, really, and even less (actually about nothing) that could be made into anything resembling a meal. I had oatmeal with raisins and almonds and honey. Afterwards, I decided I should check the packaging. Whoops, the oats were processed in a plant that also deals with wheat. I'll start at breakfast tomorrow. Not sure what I'll have. A trip to the grocery store is in order, I believe.





I'm also wondering in the midst of all this whether I ought to go all the way and cut out dairy for a time. I read that lactose intolerance seems to come along with gluten intolerance about half the time. I wonder if a latte would be good with rice milk. Hm...





Okay, well, I obviously have my work cut out for me. This means that, alas, I ought to go to bed since I have much to do tomorrow. I also have to do Jordyn's homework with her (cringe) in the morning since we weren't really able to get through it tonight. She is supposed to write something about Australia since, I guess, they've been talking about it at school. I guess Jordyn wasn't listening that day. We therefore spent a lot of time looking up Australia info on Google, which then led to looking at pictures of all the scary bugs that live there. Jordyn loves bugs. Have I mentioned that? Oh yes, she LOVES them. She was particularly interested in the spiders...the poisonous ones. Now I'm wondering if she needs to so a psychologist. Nevertheless, we went out looking for spider pic after spider pic. Here's one of the favorites...

Yes, he is looking right at you. I'm sure he wants to eat you. Eeek!

Now I'm certain I will be dreaming of spiders. Plus, I have a brand new memory bank of horrifying spiders to draw from. Oh yay!

To mommies of little girls...

Dear mommies of little girls,

I read an article yesterday about a 16 year old girl who went on a post-Christmas diet with her mom and, one year later, died of complications from anorexia.
I realize we cannot block the effect modern culture is going to have on our girls, but the fact of the matter is that we are in front of them every day and, whether we like it or not, they are learning how to be and how to feel about themselves from US!!! If you're like me, it must make you wonder what kind of behavior and attitudes you're modelling, even ones that you're unaware of.
How often do we complain about what we look like? How do we talk about ourselves? What eating habits are we teaching our girls? Do we diet? Do we show them that, to us, food is the enemy? Basically, what are our fundamental beliefs and attitudes about ourselves, our appearance, food, and exercise? How would you feel if your daughter felt that way? Would it break your heart? I believe that chances are good that the attitudes you have about yourself will transfer to your daughter, even if you believe you're doing a good job hiding it.
I am sure that all this is quite simplistic...but isn't it time that we take a look at ourselves so we can potentially save our daughters psychologically and physically?
If you'll do some reading and be honest with yourself, I believe that many of us will find that, even though we might not be in the clutches of a full blown eating disorder, we all possess fundamental disordered attitudes about food, it's place in our lives, and ourselves.
I sure don't have this figured out, but my heart is aching over this issue at the moment.
Did you know that 81 percent of 10 year olds are afraid of being fat???? Or that 46 percent of 9-11 year olds are sometimes or often on diets and that 82 percent of their families are also sometimes or very often on diets??? Plus, this information is from 2005, so I wonder how much worse it is now!
I guess it's just hit me really hard the last few days since Jordyn turned 7, since that news article came out, and since it's just been on my heart lately.
Ladies, think about what you're demonstrating for your daughter. Maybe it's time we stop idolizing Hollywood and comparing ourselves to what we think we should be rather than learning to praise God for what and who He made us to be. Perhaps it's time we stopped dieting and started eating healthy food...and learn what healthy food actually is!!! I also wonder if it's time we started turning the stupid TV OFF so that all the negative and destructive attitudes that stream in through it (and that we PAY for) will stop poisoning not only our thinking but our daughter's thinking (and sons, for that matter).
Trust me, I don't even have the most basic of these done in my own life. But I do think that it's time for us mommies to stop the nonsense!!

Thanks for reading.

Love, Sarah

Practice cake

I finished my first topsy turvy cake. I have a bigger one coming up for a wedding in a few weeks, so I figured that, although the technique is relatively simple, I had better decide how I like my angles cut, etc. Despite a few issues, I think it turned out alright. Jordyn tells me she likes it, anyway. She's always such a good encourager! If I'm feeling down about something, Jordyn will always say just the right thing to make me feel good. :)

I'm curious what other people think. So, let me know, if you want!

Working on the house.

It hit me a few days ago that we have been living in Cambridge for nearly 3 months. Or is it just over 3 months? Okay, somewhere around 3 months. As this realization hit me, I looked around our lovely house and was also struck be the fact that there are a couple of rooms grossly unfinished as well as lots of stuff in those rooms that needed to be assembled, put in another room, hung on the wall, etc. The initial feeling that washed over me was this: "If I'd stop being such a lazy butt, this would all be finished!" Then, since that wasn't a very nice way to feel, for who likes to feel lazy, I decided this: "If Jason would just assemble that stuff, I could do "my" work and finish this place up." This felt much more comfortable, because, of course, it was someone else's fault. Then, a few days later, a wonderful person I know who moved recently (since our move), posted pictures of her beautiful home...all decorated and pretty. I took another mental look around our house, and thought, yet again: "Holy crud, Sarah! You still have unpacked boxes and loads of things to sort through and sell!! Aren't you a horrible house wife?!?!?" Now, I've realized since that moment that this person only posted pictures of certain rooms, and I am making assumptions about all the other rooms. For all I know, those other rooms could be full of boxes. Probably aren't, but the thought makes me feel better.
So now I'm a woman on a mission. By hell or high water, this place is going to be FINISHED and ORGANIZED by the time the girls go back to school. That means I have 3 weeks to accomplish my task, which is, by my thinking, no small task. I had to ask myself: "Self, why do you think you shouldn't assemble those flat packed items? You could at least give it a try, and then, if it doesn't go very well, you can leave it all over the floor so that Jason has to step over it and will, then, finish it." I few weeks ago, I assembled a shelf thing in the girls' play room. I still had two book shelves to do. Yesterday, that's what I did. The first one didn't go perfect since I had 6 extra pieces left over at the end and the base board was turned the wrong way. It seemed stable enough, so onward I pushed. The second shelf went quickly and smoothly! YA! Hey, they even fit perfectly on one of the walls. Does it get better than that? So the project then was to finish organizing the room, which I did today. I even put labels on shelves and tubs so that the girls will, in theory, be more likely to follow the new rules and tidy up after themselves. I still have a couple things to hang on the wall, but since they are really big, I need Jason to help hold them up while I hammer.
Today I've been working on the girls' room as well, which was actually almost done already. However, I have found that both children have sprouted even more in the last few months and, though I went through ALL the clothes before we moved, I had to go through the process again. It's kind of sad to see the old clothes go because I get kind of attached to them...and it means those two are getting older. Additionally, we asked the girls to clean their disaster of a room a few weeks ago. Though we were both so pleased at the cleanliness and speed at which they acheived such cleanliness, we realized soon after that the mess had simply migrated to under the bed. Oh man, it was BAD. When we were packing up to head to Paris, I had to go into their room to get a certain book for thier back packs, at which point Jordyn woke up and told me that if I was looking for good stuff, I should look under their bed...because there was "LOADS" of stuff under there.
Anyway, I also assembled one of those shelf things that goes over the toilet. I was particularly pleased with that one, because it had cabinet doors, which ended up lining up pretty good!! YAY!!
So now that I've spent this time writing this lovely note to whoever chooses to read it, I must be off and begin my work again!

Problems

Okay, though I have loads more to say about Paris and pictures to post, I've had something on my mind today that I felt like writing about and, I guess, sharing.
It hit me really hard this morning, when I woke up all cranky and PMS-ish, that all I wanted to do was moan and complain about how much it sucks. Why do I have to deal with this? The emotions and fatigue usually serve as an excuse to act pretty badly toward, if no one else, my husband and children.
At the same time, I find myself very stuck on the question of whether I will lean on God in the hard times. I usually think of hard times as religious persecution or financial difficulties...you know, something really big. I mean, how many of us have been asked, or asked ourselves, if we would reject Jesus Christ in the face of death, like if there was a gun being held to our heads or something? I think we (well, at least me) like to think about these huge, glorious proclamations of faith and how we might be able to stand for Christ in those situations. Don't we all look to someone like Paul and think, "why doesn't God use me like that?" Maybe we think that if God would use us like that and work such amazing miracles through us, then we could be stronger in our faith and bold in spreading His message. Also, I think that we have a tendency to look at people who are, perhaps, going through those big trials and are maybe not handling it in the graceful way we think they should as Christians. But, I find myself asking myself, what about the small things we are faced with on a daily basis? What makes us think that we would hold firm in the big things if we cannot even hold firm in the smallest things? What gives us the right to criticize someone else's response to trials if we cannot even cope with our small problems? For me, today, it's about being a victim to my tumultuous emotional state. I'm tired. I didn't want to get out of bed. I'm cranky. Jason's breathing is driving me nuts (sorry, baby... :) ). I get angry, then, because I feel like a slave to these feelings and resent that I've been stricken with them.
I think lots of us feel similarly, whether it's about PMS or whatever. I mean, maybe it's hating something about the way we look. Maybe it's an irritating situation in our lives that we can't seem to get rid of. Maybe it's about an urge that we feel unable to cope with or control.
What makes us think that these small things are not trials God has placed in our lives? If they in fact are, how are we coping with them? Are we using them as an opportunity to draw closer to God, to depend on him just that little bit more, or do we use it as an excuse to feel sorry for ourselves or get angry or try to control?
I wonder if we should actually feel blessed for these small (or big) irritations. If we had everything...perfect health, perfect looks, all the money in the world...would we start to feel a little too comfortable and at home here in this world? The fact that we are humbled, that our eyes have been opened through our pain and problems to realize our need for God is, in actuality, a precious gift. So, though I hate the way I feel and I pray daily for God to release me from the various issues I suffer with, I will praise him for them nonetheless and rely in his strength to cope, rather than my own.
And maybe, just maybe, those people around us who struggle and who we like to look down on are actually placed there for us to help without judgment or expectation. How often do we ignore or criticize someone's suffering or response to suffering and do nothing? I think we are blessed with gifts so that we can use them to serve others during their times of need. Maybe this blessing is money, or maybe it's encouragement, or maybe it's, well, I dunno.
Anyway, just some thoughts I'm having. If anyone has any comments, I welcome them. :)
"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him."
James 1:12

Paris

The most difficult part of writing a blog post is getting started. So here I sit, Dr Pepper Zero fizzing away in front of me and an amazing weekend behind me, feeling rather empty headed. Actually, my head is full, way too full. This means that I have absolutely no idea where to start. I guess that I might as well begin with the mundane and then, hopefully, move on to the interesting bits. Here we go.
I am experimenting with various versions of sponge cake. I'd imagine that, to many, that is very un-exciting, but the truth is that finding the perfect cake is a hard thing to do. I have found what I believe is the perfect buttercream, the perfect chocolate cake, and now I simply need the perfect white cake (well, more like vanilla sponge cake). I had a woman say to me a couple weeks back that she didn't imagine it would be very hard to make a sponge cake, at which point I thought, "you obviously have never made a sponge cake before." Anyone who has tried to make a cake, without a cake mix of course, will realize that finding the perfect balance of flavor, moistness and fluffiness is actually extremely difficult. Even just changing the flour can dramatically transform a cake. A chocolate cake should not be too dense or too intensely chocolatey. The perfect chocolate cake, to me, is light a fluffy and tastes mild at first. As you chew, it should transform into fudgy goodness in your mouth...almost like melted chocolate. This, of course, makes you want to take another bite! The perfect buttercream should not be too sweet and NOT gritty. I'm sorry, but confectioners sugar does not make good buttercream. Also, one should never, ever, ever use shortening instead of butter. Never, ever, ever. I realize this does not mean that the buttercream ends up white, but it's so worth it. Real vanilla extract is not clear anyway, so that will turn your buttercream off white. You can use clear, artificial vanilla flavor, but, people, this is simply wrong. It's defiling something beautiful! Now, I can make a good white cake, but it just isn't quite satisfactory to me. One of the ones I make is SO yummy, but way too dense. The other one is fluffy, but actually I think it is kinda bread-like and not as flavorful as I want. Jason assures me that they are both good, but I must find perfection...or, at least, something I feel satisfied with. So, with six variations on one recipe in the kitchen (they are cupcakes, which makes it easier to goof around with the batter and not make a whole new cake), I'm waiting in anticipation for my taste tester to arrive (that would be Jason).
On to more interesting news...we went to Paris over the weekend! YAY! Now, I should not complain, but I'm going to complain just a little right now. I have to say that riding a bus for HOURS with two kids and a woman with smelly feet behind you is pretty terrible. It was worth it, however, since we were heading to Paris. I certainly did not believe that Paris would be so amazing. You see pictures and hear about it, but being there is different. It is a truly spiritual experience to see the beauty that can come from the human imagination. It makes the experience all the more poignant when you realize that these monuments have such a bloody, violent, and painful history. Perhaps there is not a more perfect example of this than Notre Dame. Such an awe inspiring and majestic wonder that is somehow eerie, sad, and mournful all at once. It's kind of like a weeping willow...a tree reaching for the heights, but constantly being dragged down toward the earth in a sort of sad beauty. This, to me, is Paris. I loved it. Of everything I loved about it, I loved most the Louvre! Okay, I heard professors talk and talk about Medieval history and the Renaissance and all the literature and art that came from those time periods, but to actually see these things was amazing. I've always wondered what the big deal was with the Mona Lisa...but, people, to see this painting makes it all make sense. When you walk through the door behind where the Mona Lisa is hung, there is a tall gallery. If you're ever there, look up. The painting up there is amazing...the artist's ability to make the figures look alive, as if they are actually sitting there looking down on you, is a wonder. If you do find yourself there, please look for a painting called "The Young Martyr" that is in that gallery. Beautiful and haunting. The darkness all around the woman in contrast to the brightness and life in her face definitely conveys the reality that, in her death, the darkness and pain of the world passed away and she was truly alive. Maybe that sounds dumb, but if you ever see it in real life, let me know what you think.
I've got to get the girls to tennis soon, so I'd better post pics later. I'll do that tonight. Until then...

Silly kids and cute cupcakes!

Well, not much to say tonight. It was a busy day with lots of housework, a trip to the gym, a trip to the cake supply store, laundry, and making some cupcakes. The girls enjoyed helping me with the cupcakes as well as eating a few of the chocolates that went inside of them. They also enjoyed being my little cupcake taste testers. Yum.
In a couple of days we head to Paris. Our first proper trip to the mainland has all of us excited, especially the girls. I have to admit that I was a little hohum about the whole thing, but the girls' excitement has proven to be very contagious! I'm very much looking forward to trying to find some authentic French Brie and sampling some fabulous bread. Oh ya, and then there is all the culture, right?
Anyway, I thought that I'd post some pics I took of the kids and the cupcakes. I'm sure you'll all be relieved to know that I left out the pictures the girls took, at which time I heard them saying, "hehehehehe....now lets take a picture of your booty....hehehehe." Where did that come from? Surely they did not get such a sick sense of humor from their mother!! ;)